This weekend was particularly rough because Big Brother's birthday fell on one of my weekends without the boys. I took myself (and Oscar 2.0) on a bike overnight to recharge. The weather has been beautiful (a little too beautiful for it being November) and I wanted to take advantage of my time alone.
I started this website about two and a half years ago. It was a way to hold myself accountable for my goal of living a gentler life on this planet and sharing our adventures with others. I try to be honest about the difficulties we've faced going car-free with the rest of our lives moving along. Earlier this year, I posted about working on staying positive. After last year's depression, I was ready to move forward and live a life that felt authentic to me--to focus on my boys and my work with bicycle education and touring. What I hadn't realized at the time was that that also meant letting go of my marriage. Jose moved out earlier this year and since then, it's been a roller coaster of emotions and reevaluations. I've pared out a lot of things out of my life since then that were not necessary or beneficial but also added some very wonderful people to my circle. I've focused on being gentler to myself and giving myself the freedom to be happy with what's evolving. It's been hard. Most days, it seems that nothing has changed. Some days, the reality sets in and it's overwhelming. The boys are happy and have adjusted wonderfully. I am so lucky to have such resilient children. Bicycling helps me work through my feelings of failure and allows me to focus on what's ahead. This weekend was particularly rough because Big Brother's birthday fell on one of my weekends without the boys. I took myself (and Oscar 2.0) on a bike overnight to recharge. The weather has been beautiful (a little too beautiful for it being November) and I wanted to take advantage of my time alone. Cozy tent for the night. This is a Coleman Peak 1 Cobra tent that I've had for about 10+ years. It packs into a tiny bag, under 4lbs, one pole and not freestanding but the ground was soft and easy to stake. The entire top is mesh so it got a bit chilly but I wanted to see the stars and left off the rainfly. Life is different now but it's still very, very good. I am so grateful for all the support the boys and I have received to help us through this time. I am happy with the way things are going and look forward to continue experiencing this new adventure.
9 Comments
DaD
11/10/2014 05:57:00 am
I'm so proud of you!
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Bekah
11/10/2014 06:36:14 am
I love you!
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11/10/2014 09:21:02 am
{{Hugs}} Elle! You are such an inspiration to so many of us!
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neil
11/12/2014 12:24:48 am
Curious about where you camped...was it a sanctioned spot, or bandit style?
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Elle
11/12/2014 05:48:33 am
The Hike & Bike spot, $5. I'm not enough of a rebel, yet.
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Jolene
11/16/2014 10:53:09 am
Elle, I would love to go bike camping with you sometime. You are an inspiration to me...take each day one moment at a time. I, too suffer from depression, but I never show it...it gets internalized and it takes a bike ride to pedal it off. That's why I bike camp so much.
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11/17/2014 04:03:48 pm
Much love from PDX. I'm still in awe that you are doing the car-free/biking thing in Sac. Now I'm even more impressed that you are doing it solo. But are any of us really solo? The bikey tribe has your back. Don't hesitate to reach out to me publicly or privately any time you want to. So many of us keep the lying depression monster at bay with our biking.
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Elle Steele
11/19/2014 04:01:25 am
Thanks for all the kind words! It is wonderful to know I'm not truly alone and that there are so many great, understanding people.
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