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Hello 2014! 

1/1/2014

6 Comments

 
Last year started off pretty awesomely with an amazing trip with Big Brother to Chico followed by another fun trip to Ione. However, then I had a miscarriage and my world fell apart. I have never felt a pain as great or as deep. I felt as though I was left with a gaping hole in my being for a very long time. It was hard for me to feel like anything was real anymore and there wasn't (hasn't been) a day that has gone by that I haven't thought about the baby that we didn't have last year. It doesn't hurt the same way anymore and for that alone, I am ready to face a new year. 

We did many great things last year and spent time with so many people that we love and who love us. For me, everything happened with a huge dark cloud hanging over, sometimes enveloping me and sometimes farther off in the distance. Riding was one of the few ways I could get out from under my depression. Off the bike, it would creep back filled with fear and insecurities. 

I'm ready for this year and I'm ready to continue moving in the direction life takes me. 

I've decided to use this photo to represent my entire 2013 because to me, it signifies strength and adventure--two things that I look forward to having more of this year. 
Picture
Happy New Year! 
6 Comments
Jolene
1/4/2014 02:37:34 pm

Oh, Elle...so sorry to hear about your miscarriage. I know it is very dificult right now. I have one child (she is now 30 yrs. old, and I tried to have more, suffering 3 miscarriages from 1993-1998). None were easy to get over...and I think about how old those children would be now if they had lived...but I know I can't change a thing...so I carried on. The two beautiful kids you have are a treasure and you will have more if it is meant to be. Be at peace, Jo

Reply
Elle
1/27/2014 11:41:57 am

Thanks, Jo! One thing that helped me though was knowing how many others have gone through the same thing. It's a pretty crappy club to belong to but it's one filled with so much love and support. I'm so sorry for your losses as well.

Reply
Angie White link
1/8/2014 01:03:17 pm

Dear Elle, big hug to you in remembering your little one. I lost two, back in '94 and 97, as well, and I know. I keep reminding myself I am a mum of SIX, two of them are just somewhere else. When I got my four girls names tattooed on my arm recently, I had two little birds flying away from the tattoo, for them. I sometimes still feel sad, but mostly there's no more pain. The children I have bless me so much, as your beautiful boys do!

Reply
Elle
1/27/2014 11:43:24 am

I'm so sorry, Angie! I love your tribute to all your children. It's such a sweet reminder that they are all in your life and your heart. Thank you for your kind words.

Reply
stacy
1/27/2014 05:16:49 am

So sorry to hear about your loss last year. Three cheers for strength and adventure, this year and last. xoxox

Reply
Elle
1/27/2014 11:43:50 am

Thanks, Stacy!

Reply



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